High Expectations, High Anxiety: A Guide for Parents of Over-Achieving Teens
As a parent, you want the best for your teen. You encourage their ambitions, celebrate their successes, and stand by them as they navigate new experiences and responsibilities. However, the pressure to achieve, especially in school or extracurriculars, can sometimes lead teens to feel overwhelmingly anxious, especially for those who place a lot of pressure on themselves to do well. Understanding how to support your high-functioning, anxious teen is crucial, and seeking therapy can be an invaluable step in ensuring your child’s well-being as they transition into college and/or adulthood.
High-achieving teens often place pressure on themselves without external expectations from parents, and even in opposition to parental encouragement for them to focus on fun and balance. Your teen may even constantly reassure you that they can handle it all or become upset if you dare to mention that, maybe, they are doing too much. It is important to trust your teen, but it is also essential to be on the lookout for what your high-achieving teen might not be able to see- that they are masking their anxiety with outward signs of success and causing themselves to suffer in unnecessary ways.
Recognizing the Signs of Anxiety in Overachieving Teens
If you think your teen may be struggling with anxiety, despite their accomplishments, here are a few key indicators to look out for. First, you will want to pay attention to how your child talks about themselves while in the midst of completing tasks and before particularly stressful events like tests, games, or performances. See if you can notice how your teen feels about making mistakes or failing. Are they fixated or fearful of messing up or “doing poorly”? Do they doubt their abilities or talk negatively about themselves? If so, this may signal that your teen is struggling with perfectionism or some perfectionist tendencies, which often contribute to heightened anxiety and can negatively impact one’s mental and emotional well-being. Your teen may also keep taking on responsibilities and extracurriculars even though they are clearly overcommitted. As mentioned above, if you suggest that they drop something, you might notice your teen become immediately upset and angry about you even suggesting this. In addition, teens who are struggling with anxiety can often be irritable, experience mood swings, and cry easily. You might also notice that your teen is having difficulty falling or staying asleep, and they may complain that they are having nightmares. Physical symptoms related to anxiety include headaches, stomachaches, fatigue, and feelings of malaise. As a parent, you want to be particularly cognizant if you notice your high-achieving teens start to isolate themselves, avoid social situations, or no longer find enjoyment in the things they like.
How Parents Can Support Their Overachieving Teens
As a parent, your support is crucial in helping your high-achieving teen manage their stress and mediate their anxiety. Understanding how to provide the right kind of support and recognizing when professional therapy might be beneficial can make a significant difference in your teen's current and future wellbeing. No matter how much your teen might balk at your attempts to help or offer advice, don’t stop encouraging your teen find a healthy balance between academics, extracurricular activities, and relaxation. Make sure that your teen takes breaks, pursues hobbies, and spends time with friends and family. Remind them that it’s okay to rest and recharge. It will also be essential to foster a safe and non-judgmental relationship with your teen, so that they feel comfortable discussing their fears and anxieties with you. Try to listen actively and validate their feelings without immediately offering solutions. Sometimes, your teen just knowing they have your support can be immensely comforting.
You can also help your teen set achievable goals and impart the understanding that perfection is not always attainable or necessary. Encourage them to focus on effort and progress rather than just outcomes. Celebrate their achievements and remind them that making mistakes is part of learning and growing. Demonstrate healthy stress management and self-care in your own life. Your teen is more likely to adopt positive behaviors if they see you practicing them.
Despite your best efforts, your teen might still struggle with anxiety that requires professional intervention. Therapy can provide an additional safe space for them to explore their feelings and develop effective coping strategies.
The Benefits of Therapy for Overachieving Teens
Outside of your incomparable guidance, seeking therapy for your high-functioning, anxious teen can provide them with the tools and support they need to fully manage their anxiety effectively. Through the help of a licensed therapist, you and your teen will gain an understanding of the impact and effects of anxiety. Through treatment, your teen will learn ways to manage their emotions, thereby reducing the frequency and intensity of their anxiety episodes. Therapy will also help your teen develop researched-based and healthy coping mechanisms to deal with stress and the pressure they place on themselves. In conjunction, your teen will gain skills to build their self-confidence and a positive self-image, independent of their achievements. Most importantly, by addressing anxiety early, therapy can help prevent the long-term effects of chronic stress, such as burnout and depression.
Why Choose Therapy with Me for Your Teen?
As an experienced therapist specializing in adolescent anxiety and over-achievement, I understand the unique challenges faced by high-functioning teens. What sets my practice apart is my tailored and directive approach that will focus on meeting your teen’s specific needs while also focusing on their strengths and abilities. I will work closely in collaboration with you, the parents, as you know your child best. In addition, I utilize proven techniques and evidence-based practices, to build your teen’s resilience and help them form foundational skills that will serve them through the rest of their life. It is my goal to make sure you and teen feel understood and supported.
Take the First Step Towards Support
Supporting your overachieving teen through therapy is a proactive way to ensure their mental and emotional well-being. As they head into adulthood and college, having a therapist can make a significant difference in their ability to handle stress, maintain balance, and thrive. If you’re concerned about your teen’s anxiety and want to provide them with the best support possible, I invite you to contact me. Let’s work together to help your teen achieve not just academic success, but also emotional health and happiness.
Ready to take the next step? Schedule a consultation today and discover how therapy can benefit your overachieving teen.
